It Started With A Kiss
by taylordswift
Summary: What would have happened if Clarke had not pulled away from the Clexa kiss?
1. Chapter 1

"You sent for me?" Clarke asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice. The last conversation she had had with the commander had been rather unpleasant and had left her with a mix of emotions she was not in the mindset to deal with.

"Yes," Lexa replied softly, to Clarke's surprise. She seemed strangely at ease; a 180 degree shift from before. "Octavia has nothing to fear from me." Clarke let out a small sigh of relief as Lexa's eyes studied her. The blonde, though relieved, looked still unmoved. Octavia's safety was what she had argued for before and yet, she had argued for something else as well. "I do trust you, Clarke," Lexa spoke, though unable to look at her as she said this.

Stepping closer, Clarke's eyes finally growing softer, as if these words were what she needed to hear. "I know how hard that is for you," Clarke's voice was just as soft – understanding and patient and grateful.

"You think our ways are harsh," the Commander began, turning to face Clarke, "but it's how we survive."

"Maybe life should be about more than _just_ surviving," Clarke offered, raising her eyebrows slightly. "Don't we deserved better than that?" Her eyes fell to the table beside them, a defeated look in her eyes, as if even she could not be entirely sure of what she meant.

Lexa did however. Or at least she chose to give it her own interpretation. She did not know about herself, for she had always been told that she was born to lead and nothing more. But, still, Clarke was at least half right. _Clarke_ deserved more. Lexa _ached_ to give her more. "Maybe we do," the words slipped out, as she stared at the blonde's full lips. And as if out of pure instinct, when their gazes met, Lexa reached out to hold Clarke's face and leaned in.

Their mouths touched, softly. Gently. Slowly. Clarke had been dazed by a moment of confusion by the unexpected events that were now unfolding, but it did not take long until she was reciprocating the kiss.

They felt warmth. Softness and warmth, beginning at the tip of their lips and spreading through the entirety of their bodies. They flowed into each other, and the worries of war and death and grief slipped away from them. Everything seemed to slip away from them, until there was only Clarke and Lexa. Not the Sky Princess and the Commander – no. Just Clarke and Lexa, stripped of their titles and standing before each other, vulnerable, aching, and weak like two humans in lust, in _love_.

"Lexa," Clarke breathed as she pulled away slightly, but leaning her forehead in onto Lexa's.

"Yes, Clarke?" Her breath felt hot on Clarke's skin and she shivered.

"What are we doing?" She couldn't deny that this particular moment had passed through her mind several times before, but even when Lexa had confessed that she cared for Clarke, she hadn't expected this to actually happen. It seemed too impossible, and yet now it felt all too real.

"Being weak," Lexa growled a bit impatiently, pulling Clarke back into her so that their mouths smashed onto each other, this time less gently. The warmth between them turned to heat. To blazing fire. Clarke wrapped her arms around the commander's torso and pushed her back onto the table, while Lexa's hands gripped at Clarke's hair tightly. Their mouths fought. Teeth pulled on bottom lips, and tongues provided a soft relief.

"Lexa, we –" She was silenced by a desperate mouth. "We can't," she continued, unintentionally letting out a soft moan.

"Do you wish for me to stop, Sky Princess?" Lexa asked, slipping her tongue into Clarke's mouth to meet hers.

"_Fuck_," Clarke whispered into Lexa's mouth. "No, don't stop." She pushed on Lexa's torso, urging her to hop on the table behind her. The commander obeyed, spread her legs and let Clarke fill the void between them. Clarke's hands traveled through her body aching for skin, as Lexa nuzzled herself on her neck, leaving a trace of kisses and teeth marks up to her jaw. The commander growled, hungrily. "You're a bit rough," Clarke chuckled, to which Lexa immediately withdrew.

"I apologize, Clarke," She sounded embarrassed, ashamed.

"No, no," Clarke smiled, pulling her back into place. "I like it." She felt a breath of relief on her neck, right before the tugs and lips came back to play with her skin. "What I don't like…" her breaths grew heavier. "Are these clothes." She tugged at Lexa's shirt and she could feel her smile on her neck.

"It is not an appropriate time, Clarke," Lexa replied, pulling back again and looking into Clarke's lustful, desperate eyes.

"Oh. I-I'm sorry." Now it was Clarke who felt embarrassed. "I just thought…because you kissed me that you… but if you don't want to…"

Lexa smiled at how adorable Clarke looked in this moment. "I can assure you that it is not for a lack of desire on my part that we must come to a stop, Clarke of the Sky," she began softly, brushing a strong of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. "A war is about to begin. We must be armed, clothed, and ready when Bellamy's sign appears… Not…" Lexa hesitated shyly. "…nude and entangled in one another. Although I would greatly prefer the latter."

"Me too," Clarke whispered, her heart in her throat. They both blushed. And as if Lexa had predicted the future, they heard the people outside begin to yell out for their commander in Trigedasleng.

"We must go," Lexa's voice changed, grew stiff, and Clarke recognized that the person in her arms was now more Heda and Lexa. Somehow, it attracted her more. Still, she stepped aside and let her hop off the table. Grabbing her sword, she began to head out of the tent before she felt a pull at her arm. She let herself be spun around to face Clarke and meet her soft lips once more.

"Let's go win a war," Clarke whispered as their lips departed, giving Lexa a gentle smile. Lexa nodded, forcing down a smile as well, but her eyes undeniably shone with something Clarke could only assume was happiness. It was a side of Lexa Clarke felt new to, but yet also incredibly comfortable in. Lexa felt the same way.

They walked out of the tent and marched into battle together.


	2. Chapter 2

"Commander, please," the man begged, pushed up against a rock with Lexa's sword at his throat. "I come to offer you a deal." Lexa's eyed widened, curiously.

"Speak!" She demanded, pushing her sword in slightly so as to apply an uncomfortable pressure.

"We will release your people," he began. "And in exchange, all Outsiders must stay away from the Mountain. No further danger will come to them." Lexa lowered her sword slightly, intrigued by this.

"And Clarke's people?" she asked, though she knew she should not have. It was not truly of her concern. And they were not _Clarke_'s people, though that is how she saw them, and, probably, why she had this sudden desire to protect them as well. As if in this way, she were protecting Clarke too. "What of the Sky People?" The man refused to answer and Lexa understood what the silence meant.

Lexa's heart ached in her chest, weighed down by the guilt she already knew she would have to endure. Swallowing hard, she lowered her sword entirely, a wetness growing in her eyes. She needed to protect _her_ people – not those of the sky. Not those of Clarke. _Clarke. _Lexa breathed in deeply, a knot growing in her stomach. "And if I do not accept?" She asked, searching for hope, where there wasn't any.

"Come on, Commander," the man mocked. "It is simple. Your people will die at the hands of mine. With the Ark people's bone marrow, we have no more use for you Outsiders. Take them with you now or watch as we dispose of them." Lexa nodded, showing she understood.

"Tell your leader we have a deal." Lexa fought to so her voice would not crack, for although she felt grateful for this sudden opportunity to negotiate the salvation of her people, she could help but think of Clarke.

"May we meet again," Lexa spoke, knowing how the phrase would resonate in Clarke. Knowing what it meant to her. Hoping it could help, somehow, to ease the pain. It didn't, though, and Clarke stood shattered, broken-hearted, and betrayed as she watched the commander walk away from her.

That night she went to bed with her hands metaphorically stained red with blood of the innocent - blood too deep to wash off. It was now part of her skin. She understood Lexa's actions, for she had done the same; she sacrificed innocent lives to protect her people. She understood it perfectly, but the pain still did not cease.

She did not sleep that night, but merely rested upon a tree, tears streaming down her face, cleaning off the dirt from it. Lexa did not sleep either, for while her people rejoiced in celebration, she sneaked out and walked through the woods, looking up at the starry night sky. She ached, though she should have been full of relief and tasting the pleasure of victory. She ached. But, somehow, looking at the stars – at Clarke's home – she found a slimmer of hope.

"What the hell are _you _doing here?" Bellamy barked at Lexa as she strolled gracefully into Camp Jaha, Indra at her side. Although Lexa would have preferred to come alone, she knew that the Sky People would receive her as an enemy rather than a friend, so she accepted Indra's offer to accompany her commander. She was, as expected, immediately received by vulgarities and curses, though no one dared come close.

"I am here to speak with Clarke," Lexa boomed, her voice carrying swiftly throughout the camp.

"She's not here," Bellamy snapped back. "Because of _you."_

"Did…" Lexa's voice got caught in her throat and a sudden wave of unbearable weakness washed over her. "Is she…" She swallowed hard and her breath grew sharp. _Death is not the end. _She heard her words echo in her head. The words she had told Clarke in Pauna's cage in an effort to soothe her fear. But now those words seemed like _just_ words, and they brought no soothing to Lexa whatsoever.

"I think you should leave," Bellamy spoke before Lexa could properly construct her question. She could see the pain in her eyes, and though he did not know how real or feigned it was, he felt that she deserved it. She deserved to ache for what she had put his people through; for what he had put Clarke through. Indra walked forward, attempting to defend her commander from this lack of respect on the Blake boy's part, but Lexa lifted her hand and nodded.

"We shall leave you to grieve," she spoke quietly, slowly walking away and out of Camp Jaha.

A few miles in the forest, Lexa stopped and turned to Indra, who had been respectfully silent the whole way back. "Indra."

"Yes, Heda."

"I must be alone." Her eyes began to water once more.

"I do not think it wise…" Indra began, but stopped when her eyes met with the commander's. They were tired, weak, devastated. "You may find me at camp." Lexa nodded.

As soon as Indra was out of sight, and hopefully, out of earshot, Lexa broke down. She fell to her knees, sobs escaping her throat, as she shook almost violently. She buried her hands in the dirt in front of her, as if hoping to grasp on to the earth. She bowed her head down to meet her hands, and sobbed into them, staining her face brown.

Lexa felt everything – grief and guilt and loss and heartbreak. But most of all, she felt anger; _rage_. She had sworn to herself that after Costia, she would not feel this way again. And yet, here she was, bursting with weakness, falling apart. For whom? For _Clarke? _She had known Costia for much, much longer, and yet it felt worse now. Somehow. Perhaps because with Costia she had been too young, too curious about love, so enamored with it all that she misread affection for something more. Still, she had shielded herself from this for years. She had pushed everyone away, every girl and every woman. But not Clarke. Somehow, not Clarke.

Clarke did not know where to go, so she wandered aimlessly. When she heard sobs coming from nearby, however, something in her begged her to follow the sound. Perhaps someone was injured; perhaps she could help. She needed to feel useful, if only to not feel everything else that raged inside her.

She stepped forward, through some trees, and found the figure of a grounder kneeling on the floor, crying into her hands. Tilting her head curiously, she approached slowly and with caution. She stepped and snapped a twig, to which the grounder immediately sprung up and swung a sword out, leaving it inches from Clarke's chest. She was startled by the sudden movement and almost fell backwards, but that was nothing compared to the extreme tightening in her chest as she met the gaze of a tearful Commander Lexa.


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa's sword fell instantly to the ground when she saw Clarke standing before her. "Clarke?" Her voice trembled, and she had to force herself to breathe so that she may gain some composure.

"Lexa." Clarke spat out the word in disgust. Her brow furrowed as she looked up and down at Lexa, wondering what had brought her to such a pathetic state. She wished she could revel in it, find joy in Lexa's suffering. But she did not. Instead, she found only more ache.

"Your people assured me that your soul had moved on," Lexa explained, noticing the wonder in Clarke's eyes.

"They told you I was dead?" Clarke asked, searching for clarification. Lexa nodded, to which Clarke smiled. "That's pretty funny."

"You find your death to be humorous?" Lexa snapped, aggressively as if it offended her.

"No, Lexa." Clarke stepped forward, leading Lexa to nearly stumble backwards. "I find _this_…" She pointed up and down the tense brunette. "…humorous. The fact that you expect me to believe that you were… what? _Grieving _my death?" Clarke shook her head in disbelief.

"How could you find it hard to believe, Clarke?" Lexa replied, more hurt than offended, though her voice was sharp. "Before the war, I… I showed you." She referenced the kiss – the hot, wanting, vulnerable, aching kiss they had shared.

"You showed me something a whole lot different at the Mountain," Clarke reminded her.

"That was... war tactics," Lexa struggled for words. "That was anything but personal, Clarke."

"You left me to _die_, Lexa." Clarke snapped, walking even closer to Lexa, making the brunette back up into a tree. "How is that not personal?" Her voice boomed with anger, but her eyes grew soft in heartbreak. Lexa lowered her head, unable to face Clarke's pain; unable to accept that it was Lexa herself who had caused it.

"Clarke, you must understand." Lexa pleaded, still avoiding her gaze for fear it might break her down once more. She was already feeling ashamed for how Clarke had found her, sobbing like a child in the woods. Clarke scoffed, though she did understand. Of course she understood – she just wish she didn't.

"May we meet again, Lexa," Clarke sighed, stepping away from the commander, a sad, tired, and hopeless look in her eyes. She was angry, but she wasn't stupid; she knew she could not take Lexa in a fight and, truthfully, she didn't actually want to.

"Wait, Clarke." Lexa reached out to grab Clarke's arm and spin her around gently. "Are you no longer with your people?" she asked with a hint of concern in her voice. Clarke shook her head, uncertain of why Lexa would care for the answer. "You must not wander the woods alone, Clarke." The blonde felt like she was being scolded. "You may follow me back to my camp, if you wish. Many of my people feel indebted to you for what happened at Mount Weather. And even if they oppose of your stay, I can assure you that you will be under my protection."

"I don't need your protection."

"But you do need food, Clarke. And shelter. I can provide that for you," Lexa urged. Clarke stood there, both offended and grateful at once. Her muscles ached and her stomach grumbled, but she did not want to give in to Lexa.

"Okay," she heard herself say. Lexa's eyes brightened with hope. "But only temporarily. Until I figure out where to go."

"As long as you need," Lexa assured her. "Anything else?"

"Yes." Clarke breathed in sharply. "Once we're there, I want nothing to do with you," Clarke laid down her final request and it ached them both to hear it. Lexa had known she would have to keep her distance from Clarke simply out of respect, but hearing the words spoken and witnessing them dangle between them, setting them apart – it agonized her. And Clarke knew too that she needed time away from Lexa, but somehow it did not seem right. Clarke's mind went back to when they'd shared their first kiss and how intimate they had both felt; how hopeful for more they were as they'd left the tent together. But now, with these words, there was hope no more. Nothing more. Just a moment of passion set ablaze within them and then nothing but the bitter taste ash on their lips.

Lexa simply nodded, understandingly and they walked to camp.

"Heda," Indra bowed her head as her Commander entered the camp. "Clarke?" Her face grew concerned as she shifted her eyes questioningly between Lexa and Clarke.

"Hello, In –" Clarke was interrupted by her own gasp as Indra pulled a sword up to her throat.

"Indra!" Lexa snapped. "Stand back." Her voice was sharp, cutting through the village. Grounders stepped forward, witnessing the strange interaction that was taking place.

"Heda, she is a threat to us now." Indra explained defiantly. "A threat to you." Lexa knew at least the latter accusation was true, but not for the reasons Indra thought.

"I have invited Clarke to join us, for she is in need of shelter." Lexa stepped forward, attempting to intimidate Indra. "She is a _guest_." Indra looked at her commander, incredulously. "Stand down, Indra. It is not a request." Lexa clarified, her eyes burning in rage. Indra gave in, though her face remained still with anger.

Clarke breathed heavily as Indra took her sword away. Lexa turned to look at her, a look of concern in her face. "Clarke," Lexa's voice was made of silk, an abrupt change from the way she had spoken to Indra. "Are you okay?"

Clarke laid down on the furs that covered her bed as she sighed, struggling to not fall immediately into a deep slumber. Lexa had organized a feast in honor of Clarke, even though Clarke had insisted it wasn't necessary. The Commander explained that it would be a great opportunity for the Grounders to fully accept her. She also insisted that she be with Clarke for at least a week, so that her people would not harm her. Thinking of how close to death she had been by Indra's sword, Clarke had no choice but to give in. Lexa had set the dinner to begin in a couple of hours so that Clarke would have enough time to bathe and change into cleaner clothes.

The room she was in was large – not as large as Lexa's but still large enough to hold a bed, a desk, and a bath made of stone. A grounder was now fetching and warming up water for Clark's bath – under Lexa's orders, of course, so Clarke took this moment to relax.

"Your water is ready, Sky Princess," the grounder spoke suddenly, waking Clarke up. "And here are the clothes Heda has sent you." Clarke nodded in appreciation and took the folded clothes. They were grounder clothes – dark and menacing, but soft to the touch.

As she dipped into the warm water, she felt her tense muscles relax. She had never had a bath before, for water on the Ark was scarce so they were limited to only showers (and short ones at that). She let herself go, submerging her chest, running her hands along her skin and scrubbing off dirt. When she was done and felt clean, she laid her head back on the stone and closed her tired eyes.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voiced brought her back.

"Shit," Clarke muttered to herself, realizing that she had fallen asleep once again.

"Clar – _oh_," Lexa exclaimed as she walked into the tent and saw that Clarke was undressed and still in the bath. Turning around, respectfully, she stuttered out, "W-we're waiting for you to begin the feast."

"I'm so sorry!" Lexa could hear splashes behind her as Clarke tried to hurriedly step out of the bath. "Oh, shit… Um, Lexa?"

"Yes, Clarke?" Lexa swallowed, a tightening building up in her chest as blood rushed to her face.

"Can you hand me the towel?" Clarke asked, shyly. Lexa nodded, walking over to the bed and picking up a towel. "Just… don't look, okay?"

"Of course not," Lexa assured her, walking slowly backwards towards Clarke. She gave Clarke the towel and stood, waiting.

"Shit!" Clarke slipped on her way out and would have fallen backwards, hitting her head on the stone bath had Lexa not quickly spun around and caught her. The blonde girl breathed hard from both the adrenaline of falling and the adrenaline of having Lexa hold her naked body.

Lexa swallowed hard, her heart throbbing in her chest. "You must be more careful, Sky Princess." Clarke was still enveloped in the towel, though only halfway – her chest was uncovered and Clarke shuffled awkwardly and tugged at the towel. Lexa's eyes were glued to Clarke's face, however, breathing deeply only inches away from it.

"I should…" Clarke lost herself in Lexa's wanting eyes for a moment before finding herself once more. "…get dressed." Lexa nodded, removing her arms from around Clarke and realizing, then, that her chest had been uncovered. Lexa flushed red.

Turning away, Lexa said, "I will tell them that you will be out shortly," before rushing out of the tent.


	4. Chapter 4

The feast seemed torturous and never-ending for both women. They sat across from each other – each at one end of the long table. Grounders grumbled around them, but they heard nothing. They simply looked at each other, mesmerized. The soft look in Clarke's eyes, the feeling of her nearly naked body pressed against Lexa – it all filled the Commander's head; thoughts she was unable to shake off, images she was unwilling to let go of. Biting her lower lip, her intense gaze shot through the room and met Clarke's. The blonde felt exposed, vulnerable – as if she were still nude in front of Lexa, and she liked it. God, how she liked it. And she hated herself for liking it.

"Let us toast," Lexa suddenly rose, cup in hand. The other Grounders quickly followed, raising their cups as well. Clarke stood up too, her legs a bit shaky from the tension that had been unfolding between the two. "To Clarke, Princess of the Sky." The way she said her name was graceful, eloquent, and undeniably lustful. Clarke's breath caught in her throat.

"To Clarke," the Grounders echoed, taking a drink with their Commander, who still stared fiercely at Clarke. They remained in this constant back and forth staring contest, only looking away to compose themselves when they'd thought their heartbeats had gotten loud enough to be heard from across the room.

After the meal, of what Clarke had assumed was hog, but was not entirely sure, she remained seated as each Grounder came up to her, introduced themselves politely and then shuffled out – something Lexa had ordered them to do, no doubt. The last person was a young, fairly attractive redheaded woman named Amara. Her voice was sweet and felt genuine.

"It is an honor to have you join us, Sky Princess," Amara smiled, bowing her head slightly.

"Thank you, but I'm actually not really a princess," Clarke clarified politely.

"Well, Clarke, you, without a doubt, are definitely as beautiful as one," Amara said with a small smirk, making Clarke blush to which the redhead smiled. Lexa, who was still in the room, snapped her neck up at this with an inexplicable rage building up in her chest.

As the girl was leaving, Clarke followed her with her eyes, momentarily forgetting that the Commander was with her – at least until she felt her tower before her. Looking up, she met Lexa's gaze, a hint of anger still in them.

"Are you going to introduce yourself too?" Clarke said almost jokingly. Lexa nearly smiled at the hope that maybe they could become at least friends.

"Would you like me too?"

"I don't see why you would." The playfulness in Clarke's voice was gone and Lexa's heart sank in her chest.

"For new beginnings," Lexa suggested softly.

"Lexa." Clarke hesitated, leaning back on her chair as Lexa slowly kneeled before her. Clarke couldn't help but think about how vulnerable she looked – how her soft eyes were now compared to the intensity they had shown during the feast. Clarke felt her skin burn as Lexa reached out and held her hand gently, slowly bringing it to the Commander's lips. Clarke breathed in sharply at the feel of the other girl's lips on her skin, unable to pull her hand away.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sky Princess," Lexa whispered, and Clarke cold feel her hot breath on her skin. And the way she said those last two words – the way her lips held them in her mouth so delicately – it made her head spin. It took everything in Clarke not to pull her in, so she may feel her breath even closer, so she may hear her voice even louder, vibrating inside her. But no. All she did was nod, playing along. "My name is Lexa."

"Hello, Lexa," Clarke replied, her voice a bit too low, a bit too shaky. Lexa didn't mind this or didn't seem to notice; her eyes transfixed on Clarke's. "It's nice to meet you." The corners of Lexa's mouth showed the signs of a smile, but the Commander fought it away.

"May I escort you to your tent?" Lexa asked as she finally stood up. Clarke could tell by her voice that she feared the end of the delicate moment they had shared. Lexa wanted to make it last longer – last forever.

"No," Clarke replied quickly, afraid that her self-control would slip and she'd find herself pushing Lexa onto her bed and tangling her fingers in that brown hair and ripping off her clothers and biting on her neck and kissing on her – _No_. "No," Clarke repeated, more to herself than to Lexa. Lexa nodded, understandingly, though her heart ached at the realization that the moment was, indeed, over.

As Clarke hurriedly left the dining room, her heart felt as though it was aching to break free from her rib-cage. She breathed heavily, leaning on a nearby tree, attempting to compose herself. A few footsteps shuffled behind her and Clarke closed her eyes, knowing she could no longer take it; knowing she would break now. And in her mind, at least for that moment, it didn't seem like the worst idea in the world. She thought back to their first kiss and how passionate, yet loving it had felt. Unlike with Finn. Unlike with anyone she'd ever been with, though the list was rather short. Looking up at the sky, she thought of the Ark and how far she had come from it all – how limited she had been in space; of water, of food, of room, of freedom. She could not limit herself now; not when death could sweep her away at any moments not when _Lexa_ could be ripped away from her by the claws of death at any moment too. No, she would not deny herself this. She would not limit herself any longer.

The footsteps behind her stopped and she felt her presence. Biting her lower lip, closing her eyes one more, and breathing in the scent of the woods for strength, she spun around and grabbed the Grounder by the shoulders, pulling her in for a passionate kiss. Their lips met each other and Clarke forced the other girl's mouth open so she could pour all her desire into her. She only stopped because her lungs demanded her to, but when she did, she opened her eyes, wanting to take in the undeniable beauty that was Lexa in her arms. Except it wasn't, and Clarke flushed completely red, her heart racing in her throat – she could almost taste it.

"You're quite the kisser, Not-Princess," Amara smirked, running her tongue over her bottom lip and leaning into Clarke for more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks so much for the positive responses! It means a ton. Things gets angsty as frick in this chapter of the fic, so don't say you weren't warned. Keep them reviews comin' :^) **

Lexa's lips still tingled from the lingering feel of Clarke's soft skin, as she stood achingly, watching the blonde rush out of the dining room. She did not understand how, though they had just been together seconds ago, Lexa already missed her. Sighing deeply, her mind made up of knots she could not undo, she followed a few steps behind, like the sad, lonely puppy that she felt she became around Clarke. It had occurred to her that, though she had been half joking with Clarke about re-introducing themselves – the two could really and truly start over. If they could only let go of Mount Weather – something Lexa knew Clarke ached to do as well, considering how she'd heard that the Mountain had not just been defeated but had been completely crumbled by hands born in space. Lexa knew Clarke well enough to see that the guilt in her eyes was slowly consuming her. If Lexa could only take that away for her, she would. A new beginning and a second chance, then, sounded like the perfect plan to Lexa at the time, so she set out of the dining hall on a quest to find Clarke.

It was dark and only guards on duty had not yet gone to into their tents to sleep, so it seemed odd to Lexa when she saw the young healer, Amara stepping towards the woods. Lexa thought back to the burning sensation in her stomach, the anger that built up in her chest when Amara had complimented Clarke only a few minutes prior. As she followed the girl with her eyes, the feeling came back. She was walking towards Clarke, who stood leaning against a tree. Lexa could not make out if they were speaking, for they were too far away from her, but knowing Amara's perky and sociable nature, she assumed that they were.

The moment Clarke spun around, nearly desperate, pouncing on Amara and locking lips, the feeling in Lexa's chest became frenzied, causing her insides to catch on fire – or at least, that's what it felt like. It felt like burning, melting, agonizing fire in the pit of Lexa's stomach. It felt like hands made up of flames had a grip on Lexa's heart and were clutching it torturously. She breathed hard, eyes in a furious stare, as she watched the woman she loved – yes, she concluded in this instant of fiery rage, she _must_ love her – giving love to another. Without waiting for their lips to depart, Lexa turned away, unwilling (or maybe unable) to witness the kiss much longer. She walked silently to her tent, lips pressed together tightly, and eyes glistening with heartbreak.

Clarke hurried back to her room, bowing her head, ashamed at how blood red her face must have turned. As she lay in bed, she buried her face in the feathered pillow, breathing in the scent of dirt and wood and fire. Her chest ached in powerlessness, in shame, in guilt.

"I'm sorry," she had muttered to Amara as their lips departed.

"You didn't seem too sorry," the Grounder had flirted back and leaned in once more. Clarke had stood frozen in place, unable to respond or retreat or attack or whatever it was that she had had to do. So she had allowed herself to be kissed – and with every kiss she felt her insides whither. The taste of someone new felt almost bitter in her mouth and the feel of someone else's hands felt almost painful on her skin.

She had meant to kiss Lexa – beautiful, powerful, dangerous Lexa. She had meant to take her, and ravage her, and love her – finally, _love_ her. The word rung in Clarke's head. She had to love her, right? The guilt that weighed on her now, the near repulsiveness she had felt with Amara, the never-ending pull she felt whenever Lexa was near had to be proof enough.

"Shit," Clarke found herself muttering before rolling off her bed and nearly running out of her tent and towards Lexa's. "Shit, shit, shit…" she repeated under her breath, her heart becoming lighter with every step, butterflies bursting from the cocoons that lined her stomach as she came closer, and a smile fighting to take over her lips as she spotted her destination. "Shit," she said one last time, louder than she had meant to, as she saw Amara come out of Lexa's tent.

"Oh, hey, Clarke," Amara greeted her, sweetly, though her brow furrowed a bit confused.

"Amara," Clarke said the girl's name as if she was letting her brain – which felt completely fuzzed and slow and lost – what was going on.

"I think the Commander is going to sleep now, but –"

"She told you that?" Clarke interrupted, to which the red-head nodded. "Wh-what else did she tell you? What did you talk about?" Noticing her hands were shaking, she tucked them into her armpits.

"Are you all right, Clarke?" Amara leaned in, a concerned look on her face. "Have you fallen ill?" Clarke gave her a quizzical look, until she noticed that it wasn't only her hands that were shaking but her entire body.

"No, no… I'm just," Clarke's head ached, filled with words that weren't words and she struggled to finish her sentence. "…cold." Amara nodded.

"We better get you warmed up then." There was an obvious flirtatious tone attached to her words, which only made Clarke's chest tighten.

"Oh…kay?" Clarke swallowed. "But I need to speak to Lex-to the Commander." She pointed to the tent in front of them. "It's kind of an emergency."

"Of course, Not-Princess," Amara smiled innocently. "If you need anything – another blanket or… _anything_…I'll be in my tent." Clarke could have sworn she saw the girl wink, but didn't let herself dwell on it as she finally stumbled into Lexa's tent.

"Clarke?" Lexa's chest tightened in surprise and delight and anger and pain – pain, mostly pain. "What are you doing here?"

"I… uh. Why was Amara here?" Clarke asked a bit desperately, striding across the room to Lexa, who was sitting at the edge of her bed. Their eyes struggled to remain on each other, the tension and ache and worry and wonder too much to bear at once.

"Business," was all Lexa could really push out of her mouth.

"Business," Clarke repeated slowly, finally finding air and beginning to calm down.

"Among other things," Lexa added. "The feast, the up-coming winter, _you_." Clarke could feel her insides spontaneously explode.

"Wh-what about me?" Clarke asked, her voice shaking, stepping even closer to Lexa.

"I think you should leave Clarke," was all Lexa responded.

"No," Clarke said sternly, taking that last step forward so that she was so close to Lexa that she had to look up to make eye contact with the blonde. The Commander didn't like this – it made her felt weak, but still, she let her.

"Clarke, please," Lexa said softly, though Clarke could catch a hint of want in her voice.

"Do you really want me to?" There was so much sadness in the way she spoke that simple question that Lexa got lost in it. She swallowed, her eyes begging Clarke to stay, her hands tingling in the desire to reach out and pull her in. She didn't have to, though, because Clarke did it for her. She came into Lexa and pushed her back so that they were both on the bed, their lips on each other, Clarke straddling her. It was gentle and slow, and Lexa felt grateful for that for otherwise she would not have been able to contain herself. If Clarke had just been a bit harsher, a bit faster, a bit rougher, Lexa would have let herself be taken. But she didn't.

"Clarke, stop," Lexa interrupted a kiss as she pushed her away. "You need to leave."

"Oh," Clarke whispered softly, backing away. "I thought you still wanted me. I'm sorry. I must have misread the signs or…"

"Clarke, a life with me would be a life of pain and nothing more," Lexa pointed out. "I spoke with Amara and her intentions are not malicious. She's a healer and you need healing, Clarke."

"I don't need _her_." The words "I need_ you_" remained unspoken, but they both knew they were there.

"She is good, Clarke. She will do you good," Lexa said softly, trying to convince both Clarke and herself of this statement.

"Lexa," Clarke urged, leaning into her. Lexa didn't move, couldn't make herself push her away once more – couldn't even bring herself to touch her, part of her too afraid she'd break her and another too afraid she'd break herself. Their faces were less than an inch away, so they could feel each other's breath and smell each other's scent. Their hearts throbbed almost in a panic, almost in sync with each other. "I love you," the words felt sweet on Clarke's tongue as they rolled off and even sweeter on Lexa's ears as she heard them.

"Clarke, please," Lexa pleaded closing her eyes and throwing her head gently backwards, unable to escape with Clarke still on top of her.

"Do you love me back?" Clarke asked. Lexa bit her lip, then turned back to the stare into the blonde's tearful eyes.

"No," she whispered back, the word burning her throat and tongue and the air she breathed. As she spoke this, she was still facing Clarke – forced to witness her shatter, witness her lips tremble, her eyes let out a stream of tears, and her mouth force out a soft sob. She sniffled, backed up, and stepped off of Lexa's bed. Lexa's chest felt bare – without skin or bones to keep it together; just pure, exposed, burning flesh. She watched Clarke leave her tent and then let herself fall backwards onto the bed, letting herself break down now that she was alone. Tears streamed down her face, her lungs forced out desperate gasps, and her throat let out aching sobs.

Oh, but she told herself over and over that night that she did the best thing. For Clarke, for Lexa, even for Amara (especially for Amara) it was the absolute best thing. If she had not been named Commander, then Lexa and Clarke could have been together. But the reality was what it was, and what it was was devastatingly heartbreaking. As a leader, she was forced to a love-less, bloody life. She had accepted this already after Costia's death, so why had it become so difficult now? Why was Clarke so different that all the other girls before her?

It was mostly a sleepless night for both women, and when they did manage to doze off, they were only haunted by dreams of each other, the pain in their chest forcing them to wake up once more to let more sobs and tears escape their tired bodies. It was the middle of the night, after a Clarke-riddled nightmare that Lexa felt at her absolute weakest. "Clarke," she whispered to the empty air in the dark, after she had calmed down enough (or at least had run out of tears to shed.) "I love you too." But no one heard her.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I realized that the last chapter was very angsty so this one is a lot lighter and happier :^) **

**(The angst will come back soon, though... it never gOES AWAY.)**

* * *

The room was spinning in endless circles one way and then the other, but through this dizzying loop, Clarke heard the echoes of a voice calling her name, softly, gently… With a weak smile, she fluttered her eyes open expecting to find the Commander's beautiful green eyes staring back at her, but instead and to her vast disappointment, she met the gaze of a blurry Amara. Clarke groaned and shut her eyes again, though that only worsened the spinning. She groaned again.

"It's all right, Clarke," Amara reassured her. "I'm right here." It was sweet of her, Clarke thought, but she didn't care. She didn't want her there. She felt like she was inside out and all she wanted was _Lexa_. The name rung in her ears and she groaned again; memories of the night before flooded her and for a moment she genuinely believed she was drowning. "I told you that you had fallen ill, Not-Princess," the Grounder continued, bringing a hand to caress the blonde's face. She winced and groaned again, before falling back into an uncomfortable sleep.

When she next awoke, Clarke was alone and the room had finally stopped spinning. Dripped in sweat but shivering beneath the covers, her body ached for both coolness and warmth at once. "Lexa," she tried to call out, though it only came out as a hoarse whisper. "Lex –" she spoke once more, but stopped herself as a sudden wave of nausea took over forcing her to sit up. Her body shook violently, her stomach aching, her throat burning. When she was done, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and let herself fall back onto the bed. She let herself doze off again.

The third time she awoke, she saw Amara hovering over her again, but before she could groan in annoyance, she heard Lexa's voice. It was clear this time. Clear and loud and booming with power. Clarke's eyes moved hectically around, trying to catch a glimpse of her, but Amara, who Clarke now noticed had an annoyed look on her face, was in the way. She let a groan slip from her dried lips to see if it would get her away, but it only brought her closer. She groaned even louder.

"Leave," Lexa spoke, with enough rage in that word to burn down villages. Amara nodded quickly and stepped aside, letting the image of the Commander finally reach tired, weak blue eyes. As soon as the red-head disappeared, Clarke was suddenly mere inches away from Lexa's worried face. "Clarke," she whispered softly, carrying so much love in the name that it made the blonde smile slightly at the dramatic change of tone.

"Lex…" Clarke tried, but was too weak to finish.

"Quiet now, Sky Princess. You must rest," Lexa spoke, her eyes as soft and caring as her voice. She reached a hand to touch her face, but retracted it, pressing her lips together as if that gave her strength. Clarke reached out instead, though her aim was terrible and her hand ended up on Lexa's shoulder rather than her face. The Commander gave out a small laugh, before tilting her head so that it touched the back of Clarke's hand. They both sighed.

"Thank…y…" Clarke struggled.

"For what, Clarke?" Lexa asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, considering how much pain she'd caused her only the night before.

"For…" Clarke felt a new wave of nausea coming, so she had to stop and focus on her breathing instead. _Oh, please don't throw up on Lexa _she begged to herself quietly. "Being…"

"Take your time."

"…here," Clarke finally pushed the final word out, breathing heavily in exhaustion afterwards.

"You're ill, Clarke," Lexa said still as soft. "And Amara…" She spit the name out like it was poison on her lips. "…wasn't taking the proper care of you apparently." Anger began building up in her voice, but Clarke didn't care because it wasn't directed towards her and she was still here and she was still talking to her and that was enough. "She left you here alone," Lexa spoke the words as if they were sinful. As if to say _I would never._

"Pshh… I'm… fi…ne…" Clarke struggled out with a weak smile, making Lexa laugh.

"My Sky Princess," Lexa whispered softly, taking her hand and placing it over Clarke's. She could feel herself burning at the word _my – _and had she not been sick already, she would have felt sick then. "I must go to Polis tonight." The blonde grunted, giving her a sad, puppy-eyed look. "I will be back soon. In the meantime, you will be assigned a better healer." Clarke wasn't sure if Lexa had made that decision out of genuine concern for her health or simply to appease her jealousy. She decided that she was fine with either.

* * *

Lexa returned three days later, immediately visiting Clarke's tent before her own. It had been a long, rushed journey to Polis and back and she was utterly exhausted. Exhausted of walking. Exhausted of arguing. Exhausted – most of all – of missing Clarke. As she walked in, both anxious and excited, she found Luna, the healer she had assigned to her, hovering over the blonde. Lexa cleared her throat and Luna spun around wide-eyed in surprise, before bowing her head.

"How is she?" Lexa asked, dragging her words a bit, trying not to sound too desperate to know.

"Much better, Heda," Luna smiled, feeling accomplished.

"Thank you, Luna. You may leave us until you are called back," Lexa urged rather impatiently.

"Of course, but Commander, I must warn you that at the moment the Sky Princess is somewhat…" Luna struggled to find the right words. "…intoxicated."

"Intoxicated?" Lexa's eyes widened.

"She gave me a funny leaf water," Clarke giggled. "Tea! Funny tea… Funny tea water…"

"Oh," Lexa let out, eyes still widened in surprised, but now trying to hide a smile.

"It helps her with the nausea," Luna explained.

"Of course, yes," Lexa nodded.

"Lexa! Lexa, you're here!" Clarke gasped, as soon as Luna moved from between them.

"Yes, Clarke," Lexa smiled. "I am here."

"Oh, Lexa, I missed you so so much!" Clarke exclaimed, pulling out her arms, opening and closing her hands, begging Lexa to come closer. She obeyed, incredibly amused and flattered by her words. "Did you miss me too?" Clarke's voice then suddenly turned incredibly sad, as if she expected the answer to the question to be no. Lexa nodded, though, and a smile sprung up back to her face.

"I was sick, Lexa. I was six… Now I'm seven…teen, though, almost eighteen" Clarke raised her eyebrows. "How old are you, Lexa?"

"Eighteen," she replied simply.

"That's a big number, Lexa. That's a small number, though," Clarke explained, seriously, making Lexa laugh. "Closer! Come closer, my Sky Princess," Clarke requested.

"I'm not from the Sky, Clarke," Lexa argued, though she did as she was told.

"No, closer. Come on the bed with me," Clarke begged.

"I don't know if that would be a good –" She felt Clarke's hand pull her by the arm. She let herself be taken – perhaps simply because the burning touch of Clarke's skin on hers was too pleasant to deny. In the beat of a heart – a heavy, burdened, and crazy in love heart – she found herself on top of the blonde. She felt her heart race through her armor at the sudden nearness. "Clarke."

"I like the way you say my name," the blonde smiled. "It makes me feel like a cloud."

"A cloud?"

"Soft and unreal."

"Clouds are real, Clarke."

"There it is again… 'Clarke'," she imitated Lexa, making her face stern and almost angry in mockery.

"That is not how I look nor how I sound," Lexa argued, pretending to be offended.

"Maybe not," Clarke sighed, and her breath hit Lexa's face, making the brunette swallow hard. "Maybe I just can't do you justice… You're too beautiful, Lexa." Lexa bit her lip, before finally rolling off of Clarke, before she did anything regretful.

"I'm glad you're doing better, Clarke," Lexa spoke, sitting on the bed now, with her back turned to the blonde, who ran her hands up Lexa's back, making the brunette bite her lip once more. "But…"

"Don't you think I'm beautiful too, Lexa?" Her voice was so delicate and full of innocence and want; Lexa closed her eyes and grit her teeth, balling her hands into fists, trying not to turn around and kiss her.

"Yes," she breathed out. "Exceptionally so… But…" She felt Clarke sit up behind her, her breath on her neck. Lexa let out a soft moan from the anticipation alone, before Clarke even actually touched her mouth to Lexa's skin. She let her head fall to the side, giving Clarke more skin to touch and kiss and tease. "…But…," she tried to continue, yet stopped again when she felt hands coming around her waist and then moving up to her breasts. Lexa was wearing a breastplate as part of her armor, so when Clarke felt the coldness of metal rather than the warmth of skin, she groaned into the brunette's ear.

"Lexa, how can I love you properly when you're fully dressed?"

"You musn't love me at all, Clarke," Lexa sighed, standing up from the bed and out of Clarke's grip.

"Then you musn't make yourself so lovable, Lexa," she replied, mocking the brunette's tone as she crossed her arms and pouted her lips in childish anger.

"I will try, if that is what you wish, Clarke," Lexa said softly, considering how she could make herself go back to being always distant and cold and unfeeling, even if it came to Clarke. Maybe that would work.

"No, Lexa!" Clarke groaned. "That's not what I want. What I want is _you_!" Lexa nearly groaned back at her, knowing where this conversation was forced to go now. Knowing that she was cornered with the only escape being a terrible, disgusting lie that seemed to do more harm than good.

"But _I_ don't want _you_, Clarke," she spoke, hesitantly. Each word hurt to think, to say, to speak, but she spit them out anyway.

"Are you lying to me, Lexa?" Clarke asked, sternly. The word 'no' caught in Lexa's throat as she looked at how her blue eyes began to fill with tears. Lexa sighed, thinking back to the night Amara had visited her tent.

"If I am allowed to speak bluntly, Commander," Amara had begun. "I am not blind to the fact that there is something between you and Clarke." Lexa had remained silent, jealousy still burning too recklessly in her then. "I know it is not my place to comment on your personal life, but need I remind you of your duties to your people? A romantic affair with Clarke would not only risk your performance as Commander, but also risk Clarke's life. Have you forgotten Costia already, Heda?"

"You're right, Amara. It is absolutely not your place," Lexa had barked back, before dismissing her, though the girl's words had remained in her, slowly and silently burying themselves deeper and deeper, until Clarke had come in. Lexa had realized, then, that she could not let Clarke suffer the same fate as Costia. She was too valuable, too precious, too meaningful – And Lexa knew that this time around, she would not be able to survive it. No, not losing Clarke after she had let herself love her so completely.

"Lexa," Clarke brought her back. "Are you lying to me?" Lexa shook her head, but the word slipped out, involuntarily, as if her own body was against her.

"Yes," Lexa whispered, her voice cracking, before she felt Clarke jump on her, her arms wrapped around her neck and her lips pressed against Lexa's. She nearly stumbled backwards, but Clarke pulled her in, back onto the bed. "Clarke, you're not yourself right now," Lexa pulled back, her hands on each side of Clarke's head.

"I love you with or without the funny tea," Clarke argued, annoyed, trying to reach Lexa's lips again, and then whimpering when she couldn't.

"I cannot do this, Clarke," Lexa groaned. "Not like this. Not when you won't remember a thing in an hour or two." Clarke froze, fear and heavy realization creeping into her.

"Commander Alexandria Lexa Lexington," Clarke spoke seriously. "You have to make me remember."

"I'm not going to make love to you when you're under –"

"No," Clarke interrupted. "Make me remember that you do love me, Clarke, and that what you said before was just a lie."

"I'm Lexa," Lexa smiled down at the blonde.

"What did I say?" Clarke asked, confused.

"You said Clarke."

"Why would I say my own name?"

"I don't know, Clarke," Lexa laughed. "But okay. I will make you remember, _if _you let me leave you to rest now." The blonde groaned as Lexa stepped off her bed.

"Fine," Clarke gave in. "You were starting to look a bit like Pauna anyway. Not that I wouldn't be into that, I mean, I'm just saying," Clarke half-joked. "This is good tea."

"Rest, my Sky Princess," Lexa smiled, leaning in to leave a kiss on Clarke's forehead before exiting the tent.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm sorry it took me sooo long to update! I promise I'll try to post more regularly. For now, have his quick chapter:**

* * *

Clarke held the cup to her lips, her hands still trembling – though Luna had assured both her and Lexa that this last symptom would dissipate on its own with time – as Lexa sat beside her, her hand running lazy circles on the blonde's back. Leaning in slowly, the brunette touched her lips to Clarke's temple, making the blonde smile into her drink.

"I love you," Lexa whispered into her ear, her hot breath making Clarke shudder. "I love you," she repeated just as softly, nibbling on her ear. "I love you…"

"I know," Clarke laughed, turning to face the Commander and reaching out to hold her face. "I love you too."

"Clarke, forgive me," Lexa began, but was interrupted by soft lips on hers.

"Stop," Clarke spoke into her mouth, as she pulled her in closer. "You've already been forgiven."

"For lying," Lexa managed to get out in between their kisses.

"Yes," Clarke replied, though more so to make Lexa shut up than anything else. Placing her cup on a small wooden table next to them, Clarke pushed Lexa onto the bed and climbed onto her, straddling her, leaning in to run her tongue along her neck.

"For the mountain…" Lexa gasped, as Clarke dug her teeth into the Commander's skin. "Mm…," she sighed, closing her eyes and giving in to the burning touch of the blonde's tongue. With heavy breaths, she lay expectantly, only to be disappointed by a lack of touch. Opening her eyes, she found a worried look on Clarke's face – and though she still hovered over Lexa, only inches away, the lust between them seemed to have evaporated. "Clarke?"

Rolling off of Lexa, she lay beside her, sighing. The brunette sighed too, as if in response, before turning over and facing the blonde, propping herself on her elbow.

"Clarke," Lexa spoke cautiously, as if afraid to startle her.

"I know, Lexa," was all Clarke could say. "I know why you did what you did. I know it wasn't personal…"

"And you know I love you," Lexa reminded her.

"And I know you love me," Clarke nodded, turning her face to meet Lexa's. Each one felt equally surprised and heartbroken to find the shattered, hopeless look in their lover's eyes. "I think I just need time," she explained, tears welling up in her eyes. "Thinking about the mountain just brings back the memory of everything I did." Her voice began to break. "Every life I took."

"My Sky Princess," Lexa whispered lovingly, reaching out and holding Clarke's face, rubbing her thumb to brush away the tears. "I will forever be burdened by this guilt – this pain of knowing that I caused you so much –"

"_Heda!"_ a thundering howl interrupted, causing the Commander to spring up from her bed only seconds before Indra came storming into the tent. "Heda."

"What is it, Indra?" Lexa asked worriedly, glancing between Clarke and the Grounder, as if the latter had caught her in a shameful situation. Indra's stare froze whatever affection was left in the air, as she waited silently for the blonde to exit. Clarke caught sight of this, huffed, and stood up from the bed as well, ready to exit. Lexa turned to her, shaking her head slightly, her eyes pleading her to stay, but Clarke pretended not to notice this, leaving Indra alone with her Commander.

"We've been attacked, Heda," Indra finally spoke, bringing Lexa's attention back to the matter at hand.

"Where?" Lexa's voice remained calm, but her eyes glistened in intrigue and shone in rage.

"West Timore," Indra informed obediently. "No deaths, but several wounded." Lexa nodded, taking in the information.

"Who?" She asked finally – a bit rushed, a bit hesitant.

"The Skaikru, Heda," Indra revealed almost cheerfully. Clenching her jaw, Lexa breathed in – but the growing pressure on her chest only tightened.

_Skaikru_¸ the word echoed inside her. _Clarke's people. _She swallowed. _Clarke. _Hard.

"What shall we do?" Indra's voice interrupted her.

"We go to war," was all Lexa could muster.


	8. Chapter 8

Watching Lexa walk out of Jaha Camp, Bellamy felt his insides twist in fear. Octavia stood beside him, staring up at him worriedly, knowing very well that he would not take this calmly.

"What do you need, Bell?" she asked carefully. Her brother turned to face her, unaware that she had been there. Sighing, he stepped back, into the Ark, with Octavia following behind.

"Where's Lincoln?" Bellamy finally asked.

"Hunting," Octavia replied. "He should be back soon."

"Do you trust him?" He asked.

"Completely."

"Have him follow the Commander," Bellamy ordered. "And report back if she has any contact with Clarke."

"Bellamy, I don't think Heda would –"

"Don't fucking call her that," he spat back, a little too aggressively. "She's not your commander."

"Still," Octavia went on, "I don't think she'd hurt Clarke."

"Yeah?" Bellamy laughed sarcastically. "Just like you didn't think she'd leave us at the mountain? Like you didn't think she'd leave our people to die?" Octavia fell silent, though she could feel her blood boiling beneath her skin. "Just have Lincoln track her," he said before walking away.

* * *

"Heda is looking for Clarke?" Lincoln asked Octavia as they rested by a nearby river.

"Is it really a surprise?" Octavia replied.

"I suppose not. Since Costia, she had not been close with anyone."

"Not until Clarke?"

"Not until Clarke."

"Do you think she'd hurt her?" Octavia asked.

"I do not know, but I will do this for your brother."

"What?" Octavia snapped up, shocked. "Why would you do that?"

"Octavia, your people do not trust me and mine do not want me," he explained calmly, reaching out to her and pulling her back onto his chest. "My people do not know of forgiveness, so I cannot return, but perhaps I still have a chance with yours."

"All right," Octavia sighed into him.

* * *

"Bellamy," Lincoln called out. "May we speak?" Nodding, Bellamy led the grounder into a room inside the Ark, where the weapons were stored.

"Got news?" Bellamy asked.

"Some miles west of the river, I saw Lexa and Clarke together," Lincoln informed. "Arguing by the looks of it, though –"

"Arguing?" Bellamy interrupted.

"Lexa's sword was out," Lincoln replied, hesitantly, "but they only spoke, until, finally, Clarke followed her into the woods."

"No," Bellamy shook his head defiantly. "Clarke hates her, she wouldn't go anywhere with her."

"That is what I saw."

"Unless," Bellamy began, ignoring Lincoln, "she was _forced_ somehow. Threatened. Kidnapped."

"Bellamy," Lincoln tried to argue.

"What's the nearest village from where you saw them?" Bellamy asked desperately.

"West Timore," Lincoln sighed.

"We'll go there at dawn and get some answers," Bellamy said and Lincoln couldn't help but think of Finn.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked, noticing how Lexa came out of the tent wearing armor. "Did something happen?"

"We've been attacked," Lexa replied simply, before shouting out orders to grounders. "You must stay here, Clarke. You are still ill," she added plainly, not bothering to look at her.

"I'm fine," Clarke scoffed. "I can be useful, you know."

"You're staying, Clarke," Lexa barked, this time turning to face her, an undeniable harshness in her eyes.

"You're not _my_ commander, Lexa," Clarke snapped back, stepping forward into the brunette's face, refusing to show her any weakness. "I'm going."

"Clarke, I almost lost you to illness," Lexa's voice softened, though her eyes remained stone. "I will no risk your life once more. I cannot afford to–"

"Bullshit, Lexa," Clarke interrupted her. "I've survived enough to know how to take care of myself. I'm going."

"Why must you be so stubborn, my Sky Princess?" Lexa sighed, defeated. "It is not a lie that I will be less anxious, walking into battle knowing you are safe here, but I am aware of your survival abilities. But you cannot come, my dear."

"Why?" Clarke urged, calmer now, finding comfort in Lexa's careful, loving words.

"We have been attacked by your people, Clarke," Lexa finally said, her eyes immediately scanning the blonde's face for any sign of anger or heartbreak or sadness or anything, really.

"What?" she nearly shouted. "That's not possible. My people wouldn't just attack for no reason."

"Is revenge not reason enough?" Lexa suggested. "Blood must have blood. After the mountain, it is no surprise that –"

"We are not like you; we are not monsters," Clarke interrupted, venom in her words that stung Lexa deep. The brunette breathed in, holding her breath, tightening her lips, and eyeing her lover dangerously. Noticing this, Clarke's heart began to ache inexplicably.

"I see," the Commander finally spoke.

"Lexa –" Clarke began, though stopped herself, unsure of how to continue, of which direction to go, of which side to take.

"If I am a monster to you, Clarke," Lexa began, her voice deep and strong and terrifying, "you are welcome to leave camp." _To leave me_. The words hung in the air for a moment, before Lexa grew impatient in the heavy silence. Clarke, who felt her heart expand inside her chest with love and then shrink back in fear, couldn't find any words to fill the space between them. "Goodbye, Clarke," Lexa said, harshly, though Clarke took note of how she didn't take this chance to say _May we meet again_ instead and somehow that made her feel better, though only slightly.


End file.
